The Power of Music
I have a tendency to half joke with some people about how my age says I’m 29 but my body screams 60+ (on the inside at least). I usually get the same reaction of “nu-huh” followed by laughter. Depending on the person, I’ll sometimes go into why I made the comment but usually I’ll snicker with them and leave it alone. Only people that have been through what I have would understand. Not even my husband really understands and he went through most of the major stuff with me.
It’s hard to explain to a healthy person why you feel the way that you do without coming off “woe is me “. Thus, I personally, have a tendency to internalize my feelings and my pains. Granted, there are times when I physically can’t and have to try to play it off like it’s not as bad as it is. I do this probably more than I should, especially around my family. “I just don’t feel good” has become something I say quite frequently. It lets my loved ones know I’m not at my best but saves them from what is really going on. After all, I am a member of Generation Y and we already have a bad rap for being narcissistic.
Is this healthy? Of course not. Nevertheless, it is how I’ve chosen to deal with my health issues. However, in doing so for so long, (given my diseases are stress related) the cons of my behavior far outnumbered the pros. Therefore, I had to find an outlet.
Music has always played an important role in my life. As a kid, I can remember always having the radio or tapes (yes, I said tapes) going while I was playing with my toys. As I grew older, I found that music helped chores go easier and just overall put me in a better mood. When I first got sick at 11, I remember that when I was immersed in my music my flares weren’t as bad as when I wasn’t. I’ve applied that knowledge since. Every sick day, every hospital stay, I’ve made sure to have my music with me. Granted, since the invention of the mp3 player and ‘i’ devices, that has become much, MUCH easier.
I recently have been having more “bad days” than good. It seems there was nothing to make them better. As a result, my mood worsened and the domino effect began. Not even my usual music choices were working, which added more to the stress and depression.
About a week ago, I was given the opportunity to add 3 new songs to my ever-growing library of music. I ended up doing a little research on what I truly could not live without. After 3 hours, I finally decided on a Maroon 5 song that just fit my mind set at the time but more importantly, I chose a OneRepublic song and a song by Gym Class Heroes that features Ryan Tedder (the lead singer from OneRepublic).
“Fine Again” was just released on August 27th and my husband had mentioned it to me but I really didn’t give it too much thought. I really should have known better! After all, their album ‘Waking Up’ was my soundtrack during all of my cancer nonsense. (My husband knew this of course but he also knows not to pressure me about music. Suggest it and I’ll make up my own mind.)
At any rate, I decided to listen to it again… and again… and again (thank you VEVO) and knew that was definitely going to be one of my choices. Now I’m sure the meaning of the song really doesn’t apply to me in its truest sense. After all, he’s speaking of loving someone he knows. That, however, doesn’t mean I can’t relate. I have always had a hard time loving myself (which I’ll go into that more in another post). I harden my heart to myself, as well as, to others because of my own dissension. But I digress; “Fine Again” has the upbeat tempo and the right words that help me not be so hardened and to be fine again.
“The Fighter” has become my anthem. I actually had discovered this song a year ago and would listen to it online now and again but never really considered buying it. Maybe it was the timing. Had I gotten it then, maybe it wouldn’t have had as big an impact as it has now. It has given me a new lease on life. I tend to have a problem promoting my health issues, good or bad. I still get a little flushed and shoot my husband a ‘look’ when he says anything to anyone about me surviving cancer. It’s taking me some time and there are some situations where I still feel uncomfortable but, I think I am finally able to say:
I AM a survivor. I AM a fighter!
2 songs, in less than a week, turned my whole way of looking at myself on its head. Impressive, right? I start every morning with them on repeat. And I listen until I have admitted to myself “I am a fighter and no matter what this day brings I will get through it”.
The power of music is truly amazing!
**Listening to OneRepublic, Maroon 5 and Gym Class Heroes**