Fleeting Feelings

I’ve done a few of The Daily Post’s weekly photo challenges now. I don’t do them all. I never planned to when I started. After all, this is not a photography blog and it’s just physically not realistic for me.

However, I do look at them each week. I ask myself can I incorporate this into what I believe the theme of my blog is? It poses an interesting challenge because any random picture that may fit the challenge won’t necessarily fit into my little part of Word Press.

So this week’s challenge is fleeting. Fleeting moments. I thought immediately of my boys and all the precious moments they give me. But, I felt that even though motherhood is a huge part of my life, a random shot of my boys wouldn’t fit into what asizCreatives is about. It’s about my tummy trouble dealings and musings. So basically, it’s all about me. 😉

My most fleeting and precious moments are when I feel good. Like, actually feel good. Manageable pain. No Crohn’s or PSC flares. No fatigue. No glutenizations. A short-lived moment in time when I am able to be the me I used to be. The me I wish I could be all of the time. But, I digress.

My most recent sacred occurrence happened almost a month ago…

Pool Legs 

Chilling poolside.

Most non-sufferers would say, “You’re sitting back at the pool. Why is that so strenuous?”

Let me lay the process out so that you have a better understanding as to why going to the pool, or any activity, isn’t as easy as it may seem for me.

First, is getting prepared for the pool. I have to take a shower, which includes shaving and putting on oil. That process, in and of itself, takes at minimum 30 minutes.

Next, is getting out the bathing suit, towels, water, etc. and packing it all up. Another 20 minutes gone.

By the time I walk to the pool an hour has passed since I began. One full hour of precious energy (that I normally don’t have) gone just to get to the pool.

Swimming is physically too much for my body to handle anymore so I lay out. However, I have to be conscious of time. I have to make sure that I have plenty of time to get back home before I’m needed. As well as, to make sure I turn over so that the sun I get is as even as possible. And therein lays another problem. Ever since my colon was removed, it’s painful to lie on my stomach (or side) for an extended amount of time, unless I prop something underneath my stomach.

Depending on how hot it is that day, determines how long I’m allowed to stay poolside. As my C’s have taken more of a hold on me, I get hot and dehydrated quicker than I used to. I have to be aware of the signs and leave for home before I become too hot. If I don’t, then I become light headed, as well as nauseous. Not a good combination.

So begins, the walk back home. This is followed by unpacking all my things and a shower to wash the sweat and oil off.

Most days, this is way too much to handle. Then, I’ll have a day like a month ago and I get to really enjoy the little things in life; like going to the pool.

Most people don’t stop and think about all the steps required in order to complete a certain task. I have to.

Preparations and careful thought have to be made whenever I want to try any activity. Everything from taking a shower or cooking to going out to eat or shopping requires planning. Obviously, I have to know in advance where every restroom is, but I also have to make sure that I have the energy and strength to achieve my mission. Overdoing it can be detrimental if I’m not careful.

I’m not alone in this. Most people with a chronic illness can attest. All the same, I believe that Christine Miserandino says it best with her personal story and analogy of what it is like to live with sickness or a disability: The Spoon Theory.

So you see, my life is spent more in misery than not. I’m not a pessimist. I am a realist. It’s the nature of the beast that is my C’s. Nevertheless, I’ve accepted my life for what it is and it can be said that I’m better for them. I don’t let the little things in life pass me by. I cherish the instances when I can do what I want. And even though I still have to plan everything out, I truly relish the moments when I feel good, as fleeting as they may be. 


Listening to Linkin Park

13 Responses to “Fleeting Feelings”
  1. mrscarmichael says:

    Now that was a really thoughtful take on ‘fleeting’

      • I so completely hear you on the preparation for everything. I’m “lucky” that I just have the PSC but the fatigue, like lately, can be too overwhelming to take care of anything or me. I seem to always have enough for my loving, purring, sweet cat Violet, though. Thank goodness for her. And I’m so glad you are around and willing to share on your blog with all of us out here in blogland. Blessings, Shay. Love, Dana

      • Same here, when everything else seems to be failing, Gracie is my saving… well, grace. 😉
        Thank you got saying such sweet things, Dana. You have no idea how it lifts my spirits!
        TTFN ~Shay

  2. Jess says:

    Hi Shay,
    You are so brave to share your story on here and to describe what it is feels like to have chronic illnesses. You beautifully describe how your day at the beach is really not “a day at the beach.” I hope that you continue to write. My dear friend who has Crohn’s is now following you too.

    • asizcreatives says:

      Thank you Jess, for your kind words. It always makes my day to hear someone say that they enjoy my musings. It also makes me want to continue writing and building my little corner of the blogosphere. 🙂
      Who is your friend with Crohn’s? I’d like to give them a special hi. 😀
      Thanks again!

  3. As I was reading your entry, I was screaming “SPOON THEORY” in my head. I as amused when I got to it in your entry. 🙂

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