O’s Are Still Possible With J’s
Disclaimer: This post revolves around a mature subject. Respond accordingly, please.
It’s hard to get much more personal than a blog talking about diseases that affect your bowels unless, of course, you add sex into the mix. I’m not one to divulge my bedroom exploits but the time has come where I feel like I need to address the subject.
I understand that sex is a natural occurrence. One of Mother Nature’s main goals is for us to procreate. I’ve had 2 boys. My job is finished as far as she’s concerned but that doesn’t mean I’m just going to stop. In all honesty, I feel the closest to my husband when we’re together. In fact, sex has probably saved our marriage a few times. Unfortunately, I hit a HUGE speed bump after my surgery, 2 years ago.
What used to be an almost every day occurrence is now once a week if we’re lucky. It’s not a matter of anything on his part. It truly is all me. I fall into that small percentage that has pain during sex after a J-pouch surgery. It seems that I’m always falling into that small percentage of things that can go wrong but, I digress.
Over the past 2 years, I’ve figured out little tricks that sometimes will help with the pain. Considering this intimacy is something I crave from him, I’ll be damned before I let my abdominal pain stand in the way of that pleasure.
Through trial and error I’ve come up with the following tricks. Most importantly though, I listened to my body and have a loving husband that is concerned with my enjoyment as much as his own. So, if you’re reading this because you have the same issue, please keep that in mind.
One of the first things I realized was positioning. Certain arrangements are an absolute no go now, unfortunately. However, I’ve found that positions where I can keep my hips tilted down, specifically missionary, is the easiest way to avoid pain. Other positions I’ve tried and had some success with include the spoon position and double decker position. However, the depth of penetration plays a crucial role with any position. That’s where the cooperation of your lover comes into play.
Even though, or maybe because, it isn’t just an exclusive sex manual, I recommend checking out Kama Sutra for ideas that may be more comfortable to your body type. It also presents itself as a guide to a virtuous and gracious living that discusses the nature of love, family life and other aspects pertaining to pleasure oriented faculties of human life. So why not give it a look through?
Another insight was eating. I noticed that when I would eat less than an hour before hand, the pain was too much. I can only assume that the extra mass from food wasn’t allowing for enough room internally. The problem that occurs, however, is that there are certain times when I have to constantly eat to avoid pains in my actual stomach. (Still haven’t figured out what causes that.) So I’ll eat something small and easily digestible. A serving of rice pudding is usually my go to in that regard.
The easiest realization was, and still is, the hardest for me to contend with. The brain is exceptionally remarkable. It has the capability of releasing chemicals that can override pain. The problem that I continuously run into is allowing my endorphins to take control. Sometimes the pain is just too much to allow my mind to think about anything but how much pain I’m in. Although, once they have a hold, all abdominal pain disappears and it’s game on. This is another crucial time when a respectful and patient lover is extremely valuable.
With that, I must disclose that unfortunately all good things must come to an end. Once all the magnificent chemicals have been released and depart, the pain comes rushing back. There have been times, the pain was worse after sex than it was before. Ultimately though, it’s worth it. Not only do I get a period of time pain free but, I get to have that much needed closeness with him.
I’ve discussed methods that work for me but everyone is different. However, there is one thing that all J-pouchers have in common. Given that I first got sick before I knew what sex was, anal sex was never an option. But I’d be remiss if I didn’t include information about it. Anal sex is seriously advised against in people with a J-pouch. Not only is the chance of infection increased, you can also risk serious trauma to your anal canal, which is what your J-pouch is sewn to. Again, the subject is unsettling to me but, if you are considering it please do your research and talk to your doctor!
I hope that my experiences in the bedroom will help those who have undergone the knife, as well as, my fellow sufferers who also thought the pain was too much to enjoy the natural beauty that sex can be.
**Listening to Slash (feat. Myles Kennedy) and Maroon 5**