5 Days and Counting
Like Ronnie Van Zant (from Lynyrd Skynyrd for those of you not from the south), I had a firm belief that I would not see the age of 30. Unlike Ronnie Van Zant, I am 5 days away. I don’t see any plane trips in my immediate future so I know that I won’t be following exactly in his footsteps. I think it’s safe to assume now that I will see my 30th birthday. However, to be honest, I’m not sure how I feel about that.
For going on 6 years now, I didn’t see this day coming. I had had way too many close calls for me to make it. Nevertheless, here I am days away. When coming to terms with your own mortality it does something to you. I can’t quite explain it. You don’t exactly want to die but you accept that it’s coming sooner than you would have originally thought. I think I’m happy that I’m going to make it to 30. Who knows, maybe I’ll hit 40 too. Then again, maybe I won’t.
Don’t misunderstand. I don’t want to die. Let me make that VERY clear. I just have come so close so many times and have so many health problems that the reality of living to a ripe old age just isn’t rational. Yes, I know that advancements in my C’s are being made every year but, there’s still so much about me that has the doctors and me at a loss. My high blood pressure is one example. Even with all my stress and all my diagnosed health problems, there’s no viable explanation as to why I live in stroke territory every day, on meds mind you. But I digress.
I usually don’t look forward to my birthdays. In fact, I don’t remember the last one I actually looked forward to… my 21st … maybe? I think I might actually want to celebrate this year. Not so much because it’s a “milestone”, but because I’m still alive. After years of thinking my days were running short I think it is something to celebrate. My C’s have not gotten the better of me yet. My various other health issues haven’t done me in yet. I’m finally making my “tummy troubles” count for something. Yes, yes, my birthday is something to be celebrated!
Now, 5 days to figure out what I’ll be doing…
**Listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd (Free Bird) and Zakk Wylde**