Life… One Day at a Time

Call it good or bad, but I had to learn a long time ago, to take one day at a time. I try to make the best of each day but there are plenty of days that I physically can’t do much of anything. Those days are rather depressing. You lie in bed, getting up only when necessary and try to fixate or ANYTHING other than the misery you’re really in.

I, unfortunately, have been caught up in my own vicious cycle of “I feel horrible and can’t do anything”. Sometimes it is hard to get back on track. Depression begets more depression. It’s that plain and simple!

Given all my health issues started right before my “formative years”, I had a hard time with self worth growing up. I suppose I still do to some extent. Add a mind that likes to run rampant and you have a lethal cocktail in the making. Over time, I’ve found little tricks to snap me back into reality.

Obviously, music is the biggest part of my arsenal but there’s other little things as well. I often will just sit outside on the porch (ear buds in of course) and just look out into the world. I’ll breathe the fresh air, stare at the clouds and eventually I’ll slip into serenity. It sounds simple but it really works. It almost takes me back to childhood when I would lay on my back in the grass making shapes out of the passing clouds. (I secretly long for simpler, less complicated times when I wasn’t sick. But I’m sure a lot of you do.)

That’s just one of many things I can do that require little energy but will make me feel better given time and a little effort.

I write this just as much as a reminder to myself, as continuing telling my story to the world. I had a solid week of no ‘bad’ days but that came to an abrupt stop night before last. Therefore, in writing this out, it forces me to be honest with myself and admit that I may not be perfect but I do have a purpose in this life…

Still working on what that purpose may be but, I know that I haven’t suffered and survived all that I have to not have one!

**Listening to 30 Seconds to Mars**

8 Responses to “Life… One Day at a Time”
  1. This is a really good one, Shay. Lately I’ve been on that ol’ depression wheel and it is hard to get off. Taking things a day at a time is out of reach for me sometimes when I’m like that, too. But it is the simple pleasures, it’s true, that bring me back to some better footing. When I’m in Memory Lane and remembering what my life used to be like “Before,” the challenge is to break out of that thinking of the past and feeling so overwhelmed by my present. Sometimes it’s just a chance conversation, or something I say that someone says made them feel better that will do it. I just try to stay open and move toward that something that will make me grateful for some part of my present life. It’s there. Waiting for me to see, to hear, to feel. And maybe I, too, will find and be able to participate in my life’s purpose! Thanks, Shay, for sharing so close to the bone. Love, Dana

    • Ya know, Dana. I wrote that back when I first started this whole blogging adventure. It was originally a page filed under musings but, for a while now I’ve not been feeling it there. For some reason, I made the change to a post today. Maybe that reason was you? 😉 God’s way of letting you know you got a friend in me 😀
      TTFN ~Shay

      • Thank you for being my friend, Shay. You may never know how much it means to me.

        P.S. I wrote you back an email too from your other post just to me.

  2. Shay, this is a particularly good post. I have been sucked into depression lately and only now and then get out of it for just a little while. I’m not sure why but I think the time I’ve been sick now (8 years – less than you have) is weighing on me. I try to have goals for myself but I’ve discovered just this last week that it’s not a really good idea. Because I always feel like I fail, even just a little, when I don’t meet the goal or meet it fully. So I’m trying to stay open to different ways of living. Even living in the present right now seems kind of sad to me. But I know it’s the only path I have in front of me right now. So maybe I just need to spend more time with it and see what I can do with it. I get lonely a lot but yesterday afternoon discovered I have some really cool neighbors that love to just sit around and talk, make small plans, and say funny things. Tomorrow, after not seeing him for about 5 weeks, I will see my psychiatrist, a really gentle soul who seems to genuinely care about me. I have to remember to tell him I have been depressed because I always want to perform well…for someone else. Your friendship means so much to me. I learn a lot from you about the basics in life and how to be sick and still add to the world’s joy. Thank you, Shay, for all you do for me with sharing yourself with your writing.

    Love, Dana

    On Sun, Jun 9, 2013 at 2:39 PM, asizCreatives

    • Believe me when I say, I know exactly what you are talking about. I was raised to always succeed; be it grades, softball, dance, whatever. Somewhere along the line, though, I just had to face reality and accept that I won’t always achieve my goals, as small as they may be these days.
      Not too long ago, I tried catching up on the laundry and the last load ended up staying in the dryer for 4 days. I just physically couldn’t bring myself to fold them and put them away. That is until a certain someone’s snide comments pissed me off to the point I was more angry than “feeling bad”. I suppose something really can be said for mind over matter. Although, it’s supposed to be pleasant thoughts not angry ones but, eh, same result.
      It’s awesome that you made that discovery! In fact, I can actually share the same story. A lady that lives above me battles with depression from losing her son to a brain tumor. I tried for a few months to befriend her and finally a few weeks ago she came around. We’ve gone to the store or to lunch a few times but mostly she’ll come down and we just sit and talk and laugh. She’s done wonders for my overall mood!
      I’ll keep you in my prayers that you’ll continue to garner more and more strength, especially for tomorrow’s visit to the doc.
      TTFN ~Shay

      • Thank you so much, Shay. I think I’ll tell the psych about you. You mean a lot to me. Sometimes it’s hard to find someone you can really relate to on so many levels, but I feel like we do.
        Take care (& ignore snide remarks!), much love,

      • We absolutely do! I get just as much from our friendship as you do. I hope things go well for you tomorrow. But, if not I’m only a keyboard away. 😀

      • Depending on my energy level when I get home, I’ll write and let you know how things went. I like that – just a keyboard away!

Scarecrow can't do ALL the thinking...

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